American Idol: Texas…Where a Few Stars Shone Bright
So I missed the American Idol premiere, something I have not done since the first season and that was only because I didn’t know it existed back then until like week three or four. But what is a girl to do about that? I was stuck at the Houston airport after flying in from Birmingham and they had “left” our luggage back in Alabama. Who loses their luggage on a straight flight with no connections? So we got home right in time for Christina “Princess Leia” Tolisano’s brilliantly edited spot on the show. What had I missed before her?? Treasure upon treasure of hilariously clothed people is what I had missed! At least I got to see Christina with Princess Leia buns on the side of her head and a groovy got-to-have-it Star Wars belt to boot. As usual Idol delivered their witty editing to perfection as Christina closed the show ranting about how Idol doesn’t pick anyone new just the pretty fake people as they of course showed a diverse group of people of all ages, color, and sizes getting the coveted golden ticket proving her wrong. I couldn’t wait for the next show after that.
So for show number two we found ourselves with Ryan and the judges in Dallas, Texas, home of our beloved Kelly Clarkson. Kelly!!!!!!!! I love Kelly!!!!!!!! Ryan wondered what I wondered. Would there be any new talent from Dallas since six seasons ago. Well, none could hold a candle to my Kelly so we would just have to see. We didn’t have to wait long for some excitement as a woman went into labor and had her baby whom she in her mind appropriately named Idol.
First up to grace our television was the lovely stay-at-home mom Jessica Brown who was a recovering meth addict with two beautiful daughter’s. The song she sang after recovery was “Jesus Take the Wheel” and she had quite a testimony regarding her road back home. It’s extremely difficult to break a meth habit but Jessica really pulled through. She had a great voice and a great back story. They better send her through!! Simon thought she made the song interesting and Randy thought it was pretty good so she got a golden ticket!!! I’m so glad!! I love her!!
Then there was the enthusiastic and joyful Paul Stafford, the baseball park attendant. He was so gangly when he moved but you just had to like him and thek0o/ little fact that he was a member of the national roller coaster enthusiasts. Unfortunately he sang an Elliot Yamin song. Ahhhhhhhh. Why do people sing former successful Idol contestant songs?? Especially if they are bad singers!! Well, he was a nice guy and he really belted it out but he was really bad. Paula thought it was joyful and Simon thought he was such a nice guy but it was big ol’ no!!
Following “enthusiastic and joyful” was Beth Maddocks who sang “Beautiful Disaster” by Kelly Clarkson. That was huge, huge no-no. First of all, you have to have some serious pipes to tackle a Kelly song and of course she did not. It was a DISASTER!! She used to sing at a tofu bar?? Simon couldn’t understand her singing at all or understand that someone paid her to sing at their restaurant. Or that people tipped her. Poor Beth. She got a taste of nasty from Simon.
Next up was Alaina Whitaker who was very good. She had been told she looks like Carrie Underwood. I guess I could see that. She was a lovely blonde with a great voice but different than Carrie’s that was for sure. Simon told her that she wasn’t as good as she thought she was though. Ouch! She needed to work on the breathiness of her voice and when she powers but regardless of the critiques she got a golden ticket so she must have sang something right!
With not even the first day over we were then graced with the confusing Gregory and Mia Tobias. I have no clue what they sang or if either of them had good voices since they sang over each other different words and rhythms. Was it a song from a musical? An opera? America, we will never know. Silence was their answer from the judges after they closed their mouths and then they quietly filed out of the room with no golden ticket.
Next up was Bruce Dickson and his dad supporting him all the way. Bruce had never kissed a girl and was waiting until the day he got married. Around his neck he wore a key necklace and around his dad’s neck was the heart to keep for his future wife. Very impressive! I thought he had a great voice. Come on, send him on!! What?? They didn’t send him through??? What?? Simon doesn’t like the purists!! They must be too, too boring for him.
Then there was the obviously good singers like Pia “ZPia” Easley which ended up being kind of oring to me. She came in and did great. She was the triple threat of model, musician, and background singer…of course she made it! She was very groovy and I did like her a lot but there is something in me that roots for the underdog like Clay Aiken. She’ll make the live show for sure. I think Simon was liking her too by the gleam in his eye. He said he liked her confidence and her style.
Nearing the end of the day was Brandon Green…the guys who saved his fingernails??? That was just sick and wrong. No way we’ll vote him through with that information. But, the man can sing. At least he hadn’t collected fingernails in awhile… He had good rhythm. I liked his sound, he’s cute…he just needed to ditch the nail habit. Simon thought he was forgettable! What? I won’t ever forget him because of his sack of nails he showed Ryan. Well, he got a golden ticket!! Good for Brandon. Now if he, and I can just put the fingernail saving behind him.
Sometimes when I watch Idol I scratch my head and wonder why they send people through who don’t have a chance ever. Is it because Simon’s “big heart” can’t see someone’s dream crushed? Well, we know that can’t be true. Or that Paula just can’t say no? Possibly… Or that Randy is in a funky mood? Yes, that is possible. Such had to be the case with Kayla Dawn “Happy” Hatfield. She was in a bad car accident a few years back and was so positive and full of energy and life at her audition that Simon just had to say yes to her. I thought she sang pretty bad but I liked her as a person. She was I thought, the queen of the growl. Simon wanted to be her for one or two hours a day because she was so happy. Paula said no but Randy sided with Simon because he liked her growl. What the heck? She will unfortunately be eaten alive in Hollywood. Well, at least she could enjoy the moment and that’s what Kayla seems to do which I greatly admire her for.
Then there was the string of bad auditions until the last audition of the day with Katie Maloy. She did a Britney impression which was pretty good and then sang Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” for her song. Simon stopped her to sing something else so he could hear her voice. So, she sang “Unchained Melody” and did very well. She was very natural and likeable. Simon thought she was the best so far. Wow! He had a feeling about her. She was super, super talented in his eyes. Randy wouldn’t go that far but I could see what Simon was feeling.
Hopefully after a good night’s sleep the judges were ready for day two. Unfortunately for them they got Douglas first thing. So, if a contestant confesses that their dad said they hated them after hearing them sing wouldn’t that be a sign of some sorts? Hmmmmm…that is what I was thinking after those words came out of Dougie’s mouth. He straight away asked if he could warm up his voice so he turned his back on the judges and “warmed up”. Then he butchered “Living on a Prayer”. I’m so sorry Bon Jovi. He was by far the worst or at least the weirdest. He ran out of breath and it just wasn’t good at all. Then he wandered around the room warming his voice up some more and then sang another song…and another song. Simon didn’t like his panting, his wandering, his whatever. Douglas was convinced that he could do better. Randy told him that singing wasn’t his thing so Douglas sang some more. The security had to help him out and Simon told them that they were taking him to a “safe” place. Well, that would be the stairwell where he sang some more. Wow if all I’ve got to say about that.
Then there was the pretty Angela Reiley who had a professional model for a husband. She was darling but way, way over the top. I loved her snapping fingers as she sang. Well, she was cute but just not good enough. Randy told her that it was bad karaoke and Simon told her it was amateurish. It was a no to Angela who then cried later to her husband. Well, at least she has a model husband who could kiss all of her tears goodbye!
After Angela was whisked away by her husband in came Kyle Ensley the politician, my absolute favorite so far. He kind of reminded me of Daniel Radcliffe. He was a junior at Oklahoma State University and the editing was priceless. They made him into a total political ad. I love this guy!!! He picked the most perfect song to sing ever with Queen’s “Somebody to Love”. Simon totally liked him and sent him on through. Randy thought he was kind of glee club and fraternity and academic like so Randy said no and then it was all up to Paula. Paula finally said yes after hemming and hawing and Simon told him not to wear a red leather jacket or do his hair like Clay Aiken. On a side note I loved the red leather jacket and the song he sang but that was so five seasons ago. I hope Kyle makes it to the live show.
Then there was the most mellow girl of the day, Tammy Tuzinski. Wait, I thought she was singing “The Power of Love”? That wasn’t the song she sang! She sang “If You Ask Me Too”. Oh Tammy. Well, she was a nice lady. But, she was not even close to good enough. Tammy thought she gave it her best shot. She was nice but awful. She was sweet but so bad.
With Tammy gone even though she gave it her best Colton Swon took his place in front of the judges. He was in a band with his brother and he sang “Boondocks”. I really, really liked his voice. The judges didn’t really agree with me though!! They weren’t nearly as excited as I was. Paula told him to work on his presentation by opening his eyes and look at the judges/audience more. Simon thought it was okay but there were a lot of guys like him singing out there already in bars across America. Randy liked him enough to say yes which left Simon on the fence. Simon finally agreed and Colton was headed to Hollywood. All I could think was that if they sent the growling happy Kayla then surely they had better send Colton!
After another commercial break Ryan told us we were in Texas where the men are men?? What was with all the Dallas “women”? I didn’t expect all the men in dresses in Texas. Maybe Las Vegas or L.A. but Texas? Thank goodness a good ol’ Mississippi farm boy came to Texas by the name of Drew Poppel…. I loved him!!! He will be a total country superstar. He was so humble and sweet and a true southern gentleman!! Randy liked him and Simon hated him pretty much because he sang country. Simon is so biased. He doesn’t get all irked when it’s a woman singing country…just the men. Paula and Randy sent him through to Hollywood. Good! We need a good ol’ country boy this season!! We were seriously lacking any type of country last season.
Next up was Kyle Rennick the “hardcore” rocker. I guess you could say he was “hardcore” except his shirt was signed by a bunch of kids (and he had a poster signed by them too…he must be a teacher or camp counselor) so he didn’t seem that hardcore to me. He had the eyeliner, oh excuse me, the “guy liner” going so that was what made him a rock star I guess. He said he was intense when he peformed so I was interested to see what Kyle would deliver. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. He chose Kelly Clarkson’s “Never Again”. NO!!!!!!!!!! Don’t sing Kelly!!!!!!! He even had an imaginary microphone in his hand. No way. He was way out of tune and all over the place. Simon thought it was slightly disturbing with his scary eyes, and yes maybe even a little demonic. Randy loved the guyliner phrase. Paula thought he was just scary. Well, it was a no for Kyle. How strange that he was so nice but he looked so scary. At least he tried and the kid’s love him back home.
So since we were in Dallas it was all things…KELLY!!!!!!!!! Of course everyone had to sing and butcher her music and what better song to pick than “Since U Been Gone”. Yeah, it was pretty bad. Simon now hated the song after all the pitiful performances of it.
Then there was Nina Shaw from Burleson, Texas, Kelly’s hometown. She was beautiful, simply beautiful! She could be a superstar with that name too. I liked her voice and her look but I could tell she was nervous. Simon thought she was very old fashioned and cabaret. Paula thought it was a bit pageantry. Then she sang something different (I liked her assertiveness to prove herself), more jazzy and Randy liked that much better. Simon still disagreed though but in the end all three of them said yes to the lovely Nina Shaw.
Finally there was Renaldo Lupez, age 44. An audition that according to Ryan was seven seasons in the making. Oh my goodness. He was a vision in white with a silver bull cape and of all things “mums” on each of his shoulders cascading down his back. You only usually see those during homecoming week down here in Texas! He told Ryan that people have bowed to him. Then Ryan felt bad because no one ever bowed to him. So, Renaldo bowed to Ryan to make him feel better. Paula wanted to know why he had “Simon” on his hat and he said that somewhere on radio, TV, etc. Simon’s name was being spoken. Oh need he say more! Then it was time for him to sing and well, he belted it out that was for sure. He sang his original song about being brother’s forever and Randy had to laugh behind his paper. Then Paula and Randy really got into it singing and dancing with him… Hey, I’m kind of liking this guy and his original song. It was a catchy tune that could have easily been recorded in the 1970’s and been a hit. In fact, I could see it being recorded now!!! They all joined him, Paula sang…danced…man did she get her funk on or what? Randy had some sweet red shoes on to groove with Renaldo. Simon thoroughly enjoyed him and thought he was very entertaining and thought his song would be a hit song too. Then Renaldo said the most insane thing I’ve ever heard on Idol. That Simon was heaven’s chosen because he gave chances to everyone for free. With that we were left with an angelic glow behind Simon’s head and Renaldo with his feathers, fur, white quilted vest and “mums” on his shoulders exiting the audition room. The world was certainly a better place because of Renaldo.
© Copyright 2007 Blindigo Magazine | Article written by Niki Tschirgi
